seven small ways in which i loved myself this week by Sabrina Benaim

i flossed.

*

while picking up fruit
& vegetables
at the market,
i
spontaneously
bought myself
flowers.

*

i practiced saying i love you
in the mirror.
not i love you because,
or,
i love you despite,
just:
i love you.

*

it rained,
i went for a walk &
did not bring
an umbrella.
& while my wet hair
reached for the ground
i kept my eyes open.

*

i indulged in a donut
for a breakfast
& did not step on a scale afterward.

*

i held hands
with my sadness,
sang it songs in the shower,
fed it lunch
got it drunk
& put it to bed early.

*

i did not think
of him.
not even once.

     It's been a while since I left here. I've got so much things to tell but perhaps my fingers won't play along with the thoughts anymore. They says it could be writer's block but I ain't a writer. I'm just miss nobody who happened to have a blog that no one reads.

     By the way.. I'm just started my diet. It's Atkins Diet. Have you ever imagined a girl like me, who eats a lot, having a massive control on her meals' intake? Hehe. Sure you do. Actually I don't know where the courage was from but I believe it was ibu prayers I guess. You guys must have some beliefs about that. Which you thought maybe she wanted to see her daughter to be beautiful, haha. That one I doubt it. I'll go to a mother who can't stand listening her daughter that never stop complaining about having no boyfriend and the weight keep on gaining. Well, what ever it is, mother's prayers is always the best. That one no doubt.

     So talking about Atkins diet that I'm currently going through, I'll say no to any food that contains carbohydrate, sugar and whatnot. It's not easy though. You know as pure Malaysian, you're living in the most fantastic place that ever served world's greatest cuisine. Well, pardon me I've never been outside. It's been only a week since I've started. You know, I'm a quitter. I'm not the finisher. But by doing this perhaps I could show something to myself that I, actually can finish something that I've started. I really hope this will give a very outstanding result. Pray with me, humans,

"Do you love him?"
"Love? I don't know, just.. I don't hate him."